There may not be a solution, but there is always a way forward. Taking your first step may seem impossible, but know this: You never truly face a dead end. There is always a way forward.
How can I be so certain?
One Compromise After Another
I struggled with stuttering for 50 years. I compromised my career and nearly my life, all to avoid stuttering.
From the age of 11, I dreamed of being an investment advisor. But I gave up on that dream before college because I didn’t feel I could talk well enough. So, I became a CPA, got a Master’s in Taxation, worked at two top firms and hated every minute of it. I hated college, my career and myself. I knew I was wasting my life — all to avoid stuttering!
Over the years, as I moved from job to job, I gradually became more comfortable with my speech. Finally, by age 47, I took a job at a small financial services firm for much less money just to break into the field. The more I spoke in the course of my job, the more comfortable I became and I opened up my own firm at age 54.
Always a Way Forward
I loved my first year in business, it was the fulfillment of a life-long dream. But there was one problem: I didn’t have enough clients. I had become pretty good at small talk and could carry on easy conversations, but I still stuttered terribly on the phone and couldn’t introduce myself.
If I didn’t get more clients, I would probably be out of business in a year. Getting a job in the field was improbable at best. Who is going to hire a 56-year old investment advisor who is scared to make phone calls and can’t introduce himself?
I had to do something. Over the decades, I had so many false starts in trying to solve my stuttering. So many times I thought, “Yeah, this is it! Now I’m going to get through this!” Then I’d fall flat on my face and it was back to square one. That couldn’t happen again.
After 50 years, I was probably never going to be a totally fluent speaker, it was too ingrained in me. Realistically, there was no solution. Frankly, I was okay with that.
I didn’t need a solution. I just needed to become a much more effective communicator so I could save the business I worked so hard to create.
There may not be a solution, but there is always a way forward.
Starting Small - My Way Forward
I didn’t know where to start, so I started small, one step at a time. That was my way forward.
Perhaps it’s fitting that I started at zero. I always stuttered on the word “zero,” so I began saying “o” instead. For years, I avoided “zero,” and the fear built up every time I was faced with it. Then one day, I decided enough was enough. I made the decision to stop avoiding; I took a chance and decided to say zero.
That was my first step: To say zero. Ironically, saying “zero” may have been one of the biggest decisions in my life.
Once I became comfortable saying zero, I realized something critical: every time I avoid a challenge, it becomes bigger and more daunting. But when I approach the challenge and engage, I chip away at the challenge and it becomes smaller.
That was my first step: To engage, not avoid.
That’s the subject of the next blog post: Avoid vs. Engage.
It may be the most important choice you ever make.
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