In my last blog post, I discussed how to play with your speech to get more comfortable speaking. I also suggested that you make it a priority to enjoy every conversation.
But what if you’re in a difficult speaking situation, such as a confrontational conversation or a serious discussion? It’s certainly not appropriate to smile or laugh to calm yourself down in those situations. How do you handle it?
Difficult Speaking Situations - Your Mindset
One of the most important changes I made to my mindset was to turn the tables on how I approached speaking situations. This is yet another case in which I chose to do the opposite. Rather than view speaking situations as tests or tortures, I decided I was going to enjoy them and make conversations about the other speaker, not myself.
This took the pressure off of myself, shifted the focus away from my stuttering and placed it on simply enjoying the conversation. It was a huge fundamental shift in mindset for myself and it had a very positive impact on my speech.
But how do you handle difficult speaking situations? Can you really enjoy them? Perhaps not in the same way, but you can decide to make the most out of every conversation you have. And in a sense, by making the most out of conversations, you can enjoy them for the value you get and the value you give. In fact, some of my most enjoyable conversations nowadays are in challenging situations.
Some people who stutter tell me they have a lot of trouble speaking to authority figures. That’s not surprising; I did, too, years ago. Eventually, I convinced myself that authority figures are just like me and I’m going to continue to speak my breathe, emphasize, phrase strategy with them just as I would with anyone else. When I eventually became something of an authority figure, I often laughed to myself about the ridiculousness of my previous anxiety with authority figures!
Yes, You Can Still Play with Your Speech
Okay, so you can’t smile or laugh (at least not too much) in a difficult speaking situation, but you can still play with your speech. In fact, in difficult speaking situations, I would play even more with Breathe, Emphasize, Phrase. Take fuller breaths, make sure to speak on the exhale, bring added emphasis, and vary the length of your phrases. There’s plenty of room to still play with your speech.
When you’re asked a challenging question, resist the temptation to answer right away. Again, do the opposite. Listen to the question, absorb its importance and deliberate long enough to take a full, clean breath. When you finally do offer an answer, don’t blurt out your words as fast as you can. Instead, speak even slower than usual. Maintain the integrity of your phrasing and take even fuller breaths than usual. Be deliberate. Relish the calm you’re now bringing to difficult situations.
Think of it: Aren’t the best explanations of difficult subjects you’ve heard done in a thoughtful, deliberate manner? Thoughtful and deliberate speech demonstrates confidence. There’s no need to hurry, stick with your strength: Breathe, Emphasize, Phrase with your own authority.
What's Your Deal?
By now, we’ve all heard Joe Biden respond to difficult speaking situations. What does he do? He stops the action and composes himself before he answers. How does he do that? One of his more common refrains is: “Here’s the deal.” He says that phrase, it stops the action, gives him time to compose himself, grab control of the situation, take a full breath and launch into his explanation.
What’s your deal? How will you say something to stop the action, compose yourself, take control of the situation and move forward? You might say, “Here’s what I think.” Or, “What if we…” Or “That’s interesting, I think we can…”
Whatever you choose, always make sure you take control of the situation. And if you feel like you’re losing control, use a declarative phrase like “Here’s the deal” to take it back.
Remember: Either you take control or stuttering will control you.
The reality is that difficult speaking situations don’t have to be difficult, as long as you play with your speech and take control.
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