Tired of the ups and downs of stuttering, a few good days and then splat, back to square one? Have you finally had enough? Then, change it. Permanently. Do what I did: Relearn to speak.
Yes, I had had enough. Frustration was boiling over. Sure, I had improved my speech to some extent by getting out there and speaking more. But it wasn’t enough. I still wasn’t comfortable with my speech and struggled much more than I would like. I needed to do more.
Why I Chose to Relearn to Speak
But what could I do? I had already failed at two of the nation’s top speech therapy programs, and then some others. I tried everything: psychotherapy, biofeedback, you name it.
Sometimes a challenge is so massive, so daunting, you simply have to start over. Sometimes you have to give up to get where you want to go. That’s what I did. I certainly wasn’t getting anywhere with my way of talking. My speech was beyond fixing. Stuttering was deeply ingrained in me. I needed to do something entirely new.
So, I threw away my previous way of talking and set out to relearn to speak.
I came upon the idea accidentally. One late night after a volunteer board meeting, I realized that I spoke better when doing public speaking. So, I had a crazy idea that changed my life forever: Why don’t I just public speak all the time?
So, I did, and I began to see some improvement. Encouraged, I began watching how TV broadcasters speak and I started to mimic them. That’s when life really began to change for me.
Relearning to Speak from Broadcasters
To me, the TV broadcaster that seemed to be the most compelling speaker was Matt Lauer. Yeah, I know he… But he changed my life. I marveled at how he communicated each thought so clearly and effectively.
Trying to figure out what made him so effective, I gleaned two main factors:
His phrasing was so clean that it helped me understand what he was saying.
To express an important point, he not only gestured, he emphasized a key word. This surprised me. I had watched him for years and never realized he emphasized words. So, that’s why his phrases were so compelling!
Phrasing and emphasis — those were my two main takeaways from studying Matt Lauer. As I watched more broadcasters, I realized these weren’t unique to Matt Lauer — they all used phrasing and emphasis!
Learning from Yoga
So, phrasing and emphasis helped, but I was still stuttered heavily at the start of sentences. I couldn’t figure out what to do, and then another accidental idea arose.
Here’s how it happened: I began to have eye spasms. Frankly, it was almost as frustrating as my stuttering. My neuro-ophthalmologist said the spasms were probably brought on by stress (given my stuttering and personal situation, I thought that was reasonable). Before I gave in to a medical procedure (which I eventually did), I tried everything I could find, including a yoga teacher recommended by a friend.
The yoga teacher didn’t cure my eye spasms, but he did say something that changed my life. He watched my chest, then leaned in toward me, and placed his ear near my throat.
Listening intently, he pulled away and said, “You’re not breathing right. You don’t use up all your air and then take a new breath. You’re taking little half-breaths.”
Wow, I’m not breathing right? That got me thinking: Maybe that’s why I have so much trouble at the start of sentences?
Singing as a Breathing Model
The yoga teacher’s critique of my breathing set me in a whole new direction. How can I change how I breathe? I used broadcasters as models for speaking, are there any models for breathing?
Of course there are: Singers! I don’t stutter when I sing; maybe it’s the breathing? This led me to analyze how I sing, and how professionals sing.
Professional singers breathe from their abdomen, not their chest. They inhale with a deep breath and sing on the exhale. Moreover, they’re experts in using intonation to make the music more interesting. They emphasize key words in each musical phrase, and in doing so they use up all of their air. Then they repeat the cycle with a fresh breath to start the new musical phrase.
The more I watched broadcasters and other great speakers, I could see how breathing effectively was integral to their ability to communicate. Breathing had to become my third key to speaking.
Relearn to Speak: The Three Keys
Now, I had my strategy: Breathe, Emphasize, Phrase (BEP). It was simple, easy to remember and it made sense. I could do this. I didn’t reinvent the wheel or devise some crazy trick — I was simply mimicking how great speakers speak.
There’s a step-by-step demo of BEP in the video above.
That’s how I would relearn to speak. It took months and constant practice in a range of situations, but it was worth it. Relearning to speak was one of the pivotal changes that led me to become comfortable with my speech.
My new way of speaking became my foundation, the strategy I used all the time. It was also my rock, the strength I leaned upon when things got tough. No longer would I fumble around when I stuttered — I knew exactly what I was going to do: start over with Breathe, Emphasize, Phrase. I had a plan that worked.
With this strategy, my speech became much more comfortable and more consistent, particularly as I gained confidence.
The Relearn to Speak Roadmap of Upcoming Posts
That’s your overview of how to relearn to speak. In the weeks ahead, I will break the process down and give you all you need to make it work for you. Here’s a preview:
Relearn to speak overview (today’s post)
Breathe effectively
Emphasize words
Phrase strategically
The Small Steps strategy to make changes stick
Relearning to speak will get you on a positive path, but it’s unlikely to spell the end of your stuttering. Speaking is what I call “the physical side.” That’s only one part of the equation. There’s still the emotional side of stuttering.
Both are important. I don’t think you can really significantly impact your stuttering with just one side and not the other.
Next post: Let’s understand how to breathe effectively, which will help you start sentences. Breathing is job #1 to improving your speech, it’s absolutely mission critical because it impacts each element in the BEP strategy.
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