Great, you’ve made the decision to engage, to face your stuttering. Now what?
Probably the last thing you would expect: a brutal test of your resilience.
Boom! It hits you right away, like a sucker punch. Your fluency nosedives and your anxiety skyrockets. You’re wracked with disappointment. “Why is this happening to me? Maybe I should just forget about facing my stuttering?”
At this point, a lot of people throw in the towel and pack it in.
But you’re not going to do that. This is too important. You’ve already come this far; hang in there, you’ll get through this. Here’s how.
Why the Sudden Increase in Stuttering?
First, let’s try to understand what is going on here.
Think of it, you’re attempting to face the biggest fear of your life (stuttering), perhaps the most haunting concern you have. To do that, you will have to do the one thing you’ve always feared the most: Talking! It’s not surprising that you’ve stirred up a hornet’s nest of anxiety and it’s impacting your speech.
But how can you stand up to the challenge? How can you summon the resilience needed to get through this first test and keep moving forward on your goals?
How to Build Resilience
Here’s what I did to build resilience:
Keep the big picture top of mind. Now that you’ve committed to engage, the next thing you should do is imagine what it will be like to reach your goals. Draw a detailed mental picture: What you will do, how you will act, how you will feel. Picture every life change in full living color. Then, every time you wonder if it’s all worth it, hearken back to that picture. Feel how great it will be to reach your goals. You can’t give that up, right?
Congratulate yourself. Sure, you’ve just barely started, but at least you got started. That’s a lot more than most people. You’ve committed to move forward and stick with the effort until you meet your goals. That’s something to celebrate and feel good about. Celebrate every victory along the way, you deserve it. There are psychological studies suggesting that celebrating progress encourages more progress.
Focus on progress, not fluency. The most common mistake I see is making fluency the measure of your success. But isn’t fluency the be-all, end-all goal? No, it’s a trap. Don’t fall for it. Making fluency your measuring stick will only frustrate you, especially in the beginning. It’s not realistic. When you’re just getting started, fluency should be an afterthought, a by-product of what’s really important, which is making incremental progress on your goals and freeing yourself to talk as much as possible. If you make enough progress, the fluency will come.
Choosing to improve your speech is a major commitment. But you don’t want to let it tie you up in knots. That’s a recipe for failure.
Instead, build your resilience by keeping the big picture in mind, celebrating your decision to move forward, and focusing on incremental progress, not fluency.
One of the most important things I learned is this: Don’t focus on your stuttering or on fluency; instead, focus on the joys of communicating and living life to your fullest.
In my case, once I was finally able to stop thinking of stuttering, the problem soon dissolved. That’s irony at its best! Getting to that point takes a lot of work and a lot of time, but it’s worth it.
You’re in for a life-changing journey, don’t let these early bumps in the road get to you. Be your best friend. Remember: There is always a way forward. Let’s get started.
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