You’re ready to address your stuttering, you’re all geared up to go. Just one last question, a question so big that it will set the tone for everything you do: What is your goal?
Setting realistic goals will set the tone for everything you do in your quest to improve your speech. Consider this: If your goals are unrealistic, how will you ever enjoy success?
Setting Realistic Goals
Your first reaction to the question, “What is your goal?” might be, “Oh, that’s obvious, to stop stuttering, to be fluent.” Obvious perhaps, but fraught with problems. Be advised: This approach is like walking into a minefield. You may make it part of the way, but each step is a failure waiting to happen.
For most adults, perfect fluency is probably not realistic; your stuttering may be too ingrained. The drive for perfect fluency may even spell your undoing, as severe disappointment leads you to throw in the towel and give up. It’s a trap; don’t take the bait. Perfect fluency is a roadmap to failure.
Sure, I wanted to be perfectly fluent. But I had already stuttered for 50 years. Stuttering was deeply ingrained in me. It was probably unrealistic to think that I could completely erase 50 years of stuttering. And that’s been true for me. Most people think I’m fluent, but I know that pesky, little remnants of my stuttering still show up now and then.
An all-or-nothing goal is a harsh burden to place on yourself. Let it go. Set realistic goals, not one which requires you to score 100%.
The Joy of Consistent Progress Toward a Goal
In today’s culture, “big, hairy, audacious goals” are celebrated in the business world. And it fits there.
But it doesn’t fit with stuttering.
Stuttering is a different animal. It’s so easy to make progress one day or one week and think you’re on your way to fluency. But then something changes, you fall flat on your face and it’s back to square one. Again! It’s maddening.
Don’t fall for the all-or-nothing trap of perfect fluency. Don’t get caught up in that never-ending loop of hope and frustration.
Focus on consistent progress, one small step at a time.
With small steps, you stack one small success at a time. Just as important as scoring small successes, you’ll also gain traction, reducing the chance of falling back to zero. Stack enough successes and you’ll build momentum. There’s joy in consistent progress, the feeling of moving forward one step at a time toward your goal.
Setting a More Realistic Goal
There may not be a solution to your stuttering. You may never reach perfect fluency. I haven’t. And that’s okay.
But there is always a way forward.
My way forward was with small steps. Setting one main goal, with a zillion little goals along the way. Each little goal was a small step. Achieve one small step, move on to the next, and keep stacking one small success after another.
What was my main goal? To say whatever I want, to whomever I want, whenever I want. To focus on enjoying life, rather than focus on stuttering.
Think about it: If you can say whatever you want, to whomever you want, whenever you want, isn’t that enough? Wouldn’t that turn stuttering into an after-thought? Wouldn’t that enable you to focus on what really matters in your life?
For me, that was everything. For decades, I lived a life of quiet desperation, entirely dominated by stuttering. It took me two years of committed effort to change that, and it was well worth it. Now, I live the life I want. For me, getting comfortable with my speech has been the ultimate game-changer.
The Reality of Fluency
The reality of fluency is that it is more likely to be achieved as a result of what you do, rather than as your primary focus. Think of fluency as a natural byproduct that comes along with true progress.
By moving forward with small steps and stacking small successes, my fluency began to increase. Not as a focus, but as a byproduct of the countless small successes that enabled me to gain true confidence, the kind that lasts.
Today, I’m a very comfortable speaker. Not perfect, but good enough to enjoy conversations, speak professionally and do things I could never imagine.
Now it’s your turn. What’s your goal? That’s a personal thing, of course.
But as you think through your goal, make it something achievable, something that doesn’t require a perfect score of 100%.
Focus on achieving your goals, not fluency. Stack enough small successes and the fluency will come. Most importantly, it will last.
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