In the last three posts, you read about my relearn to speak strategy: Breathe, Emphasize, Phrase (BEP). But how can you bring those changes from the privacy of your own room to the big, bad world?
How can you build confidence and transform your speech? After decades of taking bold steps and falling flat on my face, I turned to the only way I could: to take small steps. Really small steps. So small that each step is a slam dunk, building confidence and turning speaking into a success habit. Let me explain.
Your First Step - Practice by Yourself
Let’s start at the beginning: Your first step, which is to practice by yourself.
But first, here’s an overview of the small steps process: Practice by yourself until it’s automatic. Then in small steps, bring BEP outside into the real world by using it in the easiest situations possible, gradually expanding your use step by step to increasingly challenging situations. That’s how you make real change and transform your speech.
I didn’t realize it when I was trying to improve my own speech, but later I learned that my small steps strategy is actually a well-established and widely used psychological method called Exposure Therapy.
The first goal is to make BEP automatic, and that takes a ton of practice, both by yourself and then in the real world. As my friend and well-known SLP, Uri Schneider, likes to say, “Practice makes permanent.”
Start practicing by reading a paragraph for three minutes, then summarizing the passage in your own words for two minutes. That’s a total of five minutes per set. Do three sets per session, that’s a total of 15 minutes per session. Ideally, I suggest doing three sessions per day — morning, afternoon and evening — for a total of 45 minutes per day.
Focus on Quality, Not Fluency
Once you begin feeling good about your practicing, check yourself with the audio recording device on your phone. Are you always reading with high quality BEP? Is each phrase punctuated by a quality breath and a distinctly emphasized word that uses up all your breath and sets up the next phrase with a new, fresh breath?
If your reading sounds good, record your summarization. Is the quality of your summaries just as good as your reading? Remember, fluency is not the test; at this point, just focus on really high quality breathing, emphasizing and phrasing. If you do those three things really well, the fluency will come.
Then, you want BEP to be totally automatic; so automatic that you don’t even think about it. When you can do breathe, emphasize, phrase without even thinking about it, that’s when you’re ready to take the next step and bring it into the real world. Of course, that takes a ton of practice, but it’s worth it.
That’s your first step, to make BEP automatic in the privacy of your own room. No question, it’s a big first step, not small at all. From here on, that changes.
Bringing BEP Outside with Small Steps
Now the challenge really begins: Bringing BEP outside into the real world. To be successful in the outside world, you will need to start small. Really small. This is when you start with the small steps strategy.
The basic concept is that after you make BEP automatic in the privacy of your own room, gradually introduce the strategy in the real world in the easiest steps possible. Each step should a natural progression from the previous one. Just go one small step at a time.
Yes, I know, taking small steps is the long way. It takes time and a lot of work. But, for me, the long way was the only way to get results. I had enough failure with shortcuts. It reminds me of a famous quote that I’ll paraphrase from the Talmud, “There’s a long way that’s short, and a short way that’s long.” The long way takes longer, but you’re more likely to get where you want to go.
Building Your Hierarchy
Think of the small steps strategy as a ladder, with rungs that begin at the floor and go higher and higher. To build your hierarchy, evaluate your stuttering and rate each type of audience and situation in terms of difficulty.
Start with the easiest audience and situation. Make it so easy that it’s nearly a slam dunk, you almost can’t miss being successful. Master the easiest one, then move up to the next easiest.
For me, the easiest audience was always little kids. Trying BEP with young kids was my first step after practicing privately. What’s yours? Try BEP with your easiest audience in the easiest situation possible. Get comfortable with that easiest situation. Once you feel that you’ve mastered it, move on to the next easiest audience and situation, and keep progressing.
Stacking Successes Creates a Success Habit
The smaller the steps, the greater your likelihood of success. You want to start stacking successes with such regularity that you begin to build confidence. No more of that momentary success for a day or two, fall flat on your face, and back to square one business. You’re done with that. By taking small steps, you’ll eventually gain traction and build real confidence with each success.
Soon, success will become a habit. With constant successes, no matter how small, you’ll build a confidence in your speech that you may have never experienced — the kind that lasts.
Keep in mind: You’re trying to turn the clock back on years of stuttering, perhaps decades (in my case). Don’t try to be a hero and take a leap; a failure could set you back. You don’t want that. Every step should be a natural progression that feels easily doable. Keep your steps small. Any success is a success, no matter how small. Constant successes will help you build a success habit.
Just keep climbing that ladder and building confidence. Stack enough successes and the success habit will kick in. You’ll know when it hits. The success habit is empowering. Intoxicating. You’ll feel like you’re knocking down doors. You’ll start eating challenges for lunch. Relish the feeling, you’re unstoppable.
Using BEP to Transform Your Speech
Don’t expect BEP to make you fluent; this is just the physical act of speaking. You still need to address the psychological aspects of your speech, which are much more challenging and the subject of numerous posts in the months ahead.
Nonetheless, BEP will be a powerful ally. The Breathe, Emphasize, Phrase strategy will give you a foundation you can use all the time. Now, when you’re faced with a block, rather than struggle, you will have a strategy to bring you through. You can stop, smile, and then breathe, emphasize, phrase your way through.
And if you stutter, big deal, it’s just one phrase in a string of a zillion — it’s nothing to get down about. Compartmentalize it. Move on to the next phrase, and then the next. Some people live one day at a time; you’re going to live one phrase at a time. Feel the difference in your mindset; it’s life-changing.
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