Perhaps the most frequent challenge faced by people who stutter is how to start conversations. I’m talking about starting a new conversation or speaking for the first time after a conversation has already begun.
It used to drive me crazy. These situations accounted for a large part of my stuttering, including my hardest blocks. In fact, even still, roughly seven years after I became a confident speaker, I still occasionally find these situations difficult, particularly if I’m breaking into a large group conversation. Here’s how I handle it.
One-On-One vs. Group Conversations
One-on-one conversations were always much easier than those with multiple speakers. The other person stops talking and then you talk. No need to break into the flow of conversation, no need to interrupt. I can go at my own pace within the confines of my Breathe, Emphasize, Phrase strategy. Easy.
Group conversations were another story. I don’t quite know why it was so difficult to start conversations in a group. For me, with new conversations, I always thought that part of the difficulty was that my “speaking machinery” wasn’t warmed up yet.
Once I spoke a bit and warmed up, speaking tended to go more easily. But if it’s a brand new conversation, you’re usually going in cold, which I found to be a disadvantage.
Perhaps even more challenging was the assertiveness aspect. I was always uncomfortable trying to jump into a conversation, and it would usually result in a bunch of hard blocks. So, I learned to wait until everyone else said their peace and there was a clear opening for me to speak. While this reduced my stuttering, it also reduced my involvement in group conversations.
Why Group Conversations are So Difficult
Why are group conversations so much harder than one on one? I think it’s because you first have to break into the conversation, which can be so difficult for people who stutter. Then, once you break in, you’re thrust into the spotlight. Everyone’s looking at you and that increases the pressure to perform.
It’s more difficult to start conversations within a group because you get hit with added stress on two fronts: 1) The pressure of trying to break in; and 2) The spotlight of once you break in.
Now and then, I still find myself reverting to old behaviors and having modest blocks as I jump into conversations with multiple speakers. In fact, this may be one of the only speaking situations I still find challenging. In speaking with other people who stutter, it seems that I’m not alone — it’s actually very common.
How to Start Conversations Successfully
I have found that breathing is critical to starting conversations successfully. I make sure I begin with a full breath, then speak on the exhale. Sometimes I even exaggerate the full breath, which serves as a signal to the other speaker that I am getting ready to talk. When I actually do talk, I speak on the exhale and often use gestures as another signal that I now have the floor.
Once you get into the first few sentences of new conversations, you may find yourself speeding up to match the pace of the other speakers. That’s a trap, don’t fall for it. Stick with Breathe, Emphasize, Phrase. Maintain the integrity of your phrasing, especially in the first few phrases of a conversation; that’s when you want to establish your pace and control.
Stick with what makes you comfortable. Sometimes, I’ll even purposely slow up the conversation, with a thoughtful pause. The others may think I’m just in deep thought, but I’m really just taking control of the conversation and bringing it down to my speed.
I cannot stress this enough: Take control of your speech or stuttering will control you. Take control of everything you can: not just your speech, but conversations, too. Always be on the offensive; never play defense.
Those are the strategies to starting conversations successfully: 1) A full breath; and 2) gestures to let the others know you have the floor. After you’ve started, it’s critical to take control and keep your speech flowing with Breathe, Emphasize, Phrase. It may take some time to get comfortable with starting conversations, but you’ll get there if you take the time to breathe at the outset and stick with your strengths.
コメント